If It Kills Me
by TwiOthGirly
Summary: What would you do if you were in love with your best friend? Stand by and watch them be with another or fight for said love? Watch as Jasper and Bella deal with exactly that.
1. Chapter 1

"**For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest **

**Title: If it Kills me**

**Pen name: Kiki Enigma**

**Existing work:N/A**

**Primary Players: Jasper Whitlock & Bella Swan**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, that is all Stephenie Meyers. And this has a lemon so be of age to read!  
**

**To see other entries in the "For the Love of Jasper" contest, please visit the C2:  
www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/For_the_Love_of_Jasper_Contest/72564/**

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All I really wanna do is love you  
A kind much closer than friends use  
But I still can't say it after all we've been through  
And all I really want from you is to feel me  
As the feeling inside keeps building  
And I will find a way to you if it kills me  
If it kills me  
If it kills me  
I think it might kill me_

_If it Kills Me_ – Jason Mraz

**JPOV**

"Are my shoes out there?!"

"Yeah, I'm holding them right now. Aren't you done in the bathroom yet?!"

"Shut up! It takes time to look this good"

"You don't need time at all…" I whispered, hoping she didn't hear me.

I waited for Bella on her bed, passing her high heel from hand to hand. Why was I nervous? Oh that's right, because the girl I've been in love with, from day one, is getting ready to go out on a date with the guy she's been pining over. Life truly sucks.

"Ahem, how do I look?" Bella walked out her bathroom and stood in front of me. I thought I was going to pass out from the lack of oxygen, because she truly took my breath away.

Bella was wearing this royal blue silk spaghetti strap dress that came right above her knees. It had beading outlining her breasts and a jewel right in the middle of the high waistline. The color went perfectly with her almost pale skin tone. Her chocolate brown hair was styled in a half and half way. Part of it was pulled back while the rest flowed over her shoulders. Bella didn't have jewelry on; she wasn't one for it, except the bracelet that I had gotten her for her birthday this year. She wore it everywhere.

"That bad?" She whispered, bringing me out of my Bella induced daze.

I shook my head. "No, absolutely not. You look amazing Bells. Edward won't know what hit him when he sees you."

She smiled and walked over to sit next to me on the bed to put her shoes on. Her scent wafted over me. She smelled like a fruit basket. No one scent over powering the other. All I wanted to do is lean in and breathe her in forever. I wanted to run my hands through her hair and lay with her on this bed while we talked about everything and nothing at the same time. I wanted to kiss her senseless and give her everything that she ever wanted. But I couldn't do all of it, so I just settled for being her best friend.

Bella and I have been best friends probably before conception. Our mothers were sorority sisters and best friends. When Bella's mother, Renee, left Forks, remarried and moved to Jacksonville with her new husband without Bella it crushed her. Bella was only 10 when this happened. Renee leaving caused her to be raised by her father, Charlie, the police chief. Charlie knew nothing about raising an adolescent girl and depended a lot of my mother Esme to help him along. My mom became the constant woman figure in Bella's life, and Charlie was thankful.

Charlie you can say was the male figure I looked up to since my deadbeat father left my mom when she was pregnant with me. He wasn't ready for fatherhood. Whatever. Charlie would always take Bella and I fishing or camping. Bella wasn't one for the outdoors much, but she went so we could spend time together.

We were, no _are_, inseparable. If we aren't together people will ask where the other is. And us being so close, we would know. Bella and Jasper, Jasper and Bella. That is how it's suppose to be, _always._ But somehow along the years of just being friends, I fell in love with her. I wanted Bella in every sense of wanting a woman. She was my everything. Unfortunately, she didn't want me the same way. She wanted _Edward_. The same Edward that was the golden boy of Forks. The same Edward that could do no wrong in the eyes of everyone in this small podunk town. The same Edward that was about to become my step-brother in the matter of weeks.

My mom and Edward's dad, Carlisle, were getting married. They have been dating ever since my mom broke her arm and had to go to the emergency room. Carlisle was the on call doctor at the time and it was love at first sight. Ugh, gag me please.

Carlisle had two children; Edward and his twin sister Alice. Now Alice wasn't too bad to get along with. She was a little too hyper for my liking, but she was Bella's female counterpart to me, as she liked to put it. Bella on more than one occasion tried to hook Alice and me up together, but we just didn't mesh well. Good for that, because it would be weird dating your step-sister.

I never knew why she wanted the two of us together, but I realized it was so she would have an in to woo Edward. Bella has had a thing for him ever since they moved to Forks at the beginning of freshman year. He never paid too much attention to Bella since we didn't hang in the same social circles he did. Bella and I were more of your artistic loner types. Throw Alice in the mix it was like the three musketeers. Edward hung out with the pretty and popular. Edward was the quarterback for the football team, so obviously he associated with his kind. He hung out with Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale. Rosalie was the head cheerleader and Emmett was the team's linebacker. The three of them ruled the school and I liked it that way. They stay in their place and we stay in ours.

But once Esme and Carlisle started dating it all changed. They wanted us kids to get to know each other and hang out. What a waste of time I thought. But apparently what I thought didn't matter because our parents threw a little party so we could mingle. Obviously I brought Bella with me. My mom thought of Bella as her daughter anyway, so there was no problem. Except Edward Cullen.

Once he saw her at the party, he wanted to sink his teeth into her. He started flirting with her right in front of me. I never wanted to kill anyone as much as I wanted to kill Edward at that point. Ever since that party 3 months ago, Bella and Edward have been really close. And now he is making her dreams come true. He is taking her out, tonight.

"So what are your plans tonight stud?" Bella asked, bringing my attention back to her. She was putting her cell and other little things in her bag.

"Nothing, probably watch the game with your dad or call up Seth and see if he wants to go to the cliffs. Anyway, where is golden boy taking you tonight? Some fancy restaurant?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Why must you call him golden boy? He does have a name if you remember. I don't know. He said just dress nice. Alice assured me that this outfit was okay." She said while she adjusted her strap. Bella wasn't one for all this fancy shit. She was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Didn't asswipe know that?

"He is going to be golden boy till the day I die. You look like a Barbie, Bells."

"Oh shut your mouth. I'm just waiting to get out of this. Maybe Edward could help me with that." She winked at me and went over to her mirror to fix her hair.

"Bella! You're going to sleep with that dickwad!?" I jumped up from the bed. I was seething at the thought of his hands on her.

"What? I'm a big girl and it's not like I would be opposed to it."

"But…but…you're a virgin. You two aren't even going out, and you are just going to give it up to him?!"

"Jasper, what I do with my body is MY business. If I want to have sex with Edward, I will. Plus, who says he would want to have sex with me anyway?"

"Bella, any man who isn't blind would want to have sex with you. Don't be naive about this. He isn't going to treat you right after he sleeps with you! You see what he did to Lauren and Jessica right?"

"If my memory serves me correctly, you were the one that lost _your_ virginity to Jessica. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong, but I was dating her at the time, and we agreed it was a bad thing to do. I wasn't in love with her like I … like that. I would have rather lost it to someone I cared more about."

"Really? Like who?"

"Like yo… I don't know! Stop trying to make this about me."

"Whatever. Stop being a asshat, and I will."

I was seething. I wanted to break something, break Edward's face was more like it. She couldn't give him her virginity. It was just wrong and immoral. She was mine, suppose to be with me and here she is talking about giving this one part of herself to this douche with a letterman jacket. Yes, she had me at the Jessica thing, but it wasn't like I wouldn't have rather gave it to her. I was younger and drunk and it was a mistake.

Bella stood by her desk, huffing angrily before turning around to face me.

"You're a jerk, you know that right?"

I nodded. "I am, but you love me either way." I smiled as her eyes went wide for a second and then a smile spread across her face.

"Take a picture of me so you can send it to Alice. She would like to see how her work came out." I pulled out my cell phone and waited for her to pose. _Click_. I took the picture and looked back. Bella was smiling sweetly and all cute. I was definitely making this my screen saver.

_Honk, Honk, Honk_

"Bella! There is a boy outside my house honking his horn! If you don't get him, I'm shooting!"

I laughed at Charlie's bluntness. "See? I'm not the only one with an aversion to Golden Boy."

Bella slapped my shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Come walk me downstairs so I don't end my night in the emergency room before it even starts."

I took hold of her arm and carefully guided her down the stairs. It felt good to have this angel by my side, and it made me wish that it could always be this way. But then I thought it would because no matter what Bella would always be my best friend, and I would always be apart of her life, no matter what role I may play.

"Oh Bells, you look real nice." Charlie said from his recliner. He had the game on, as usual.

"Thanks dad. I won't be back too late, so you don't have to wait up." She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "And don't let Jazz stay here and bother you, kick his sorry ass out soon." She said, winking at me,

"Oh don't worry about Jasper, he's going to keep me company and have some male time." Charlie replied to her as I walked her to the door.

"Call me if you need any saving. You know I'll be there in a second," I said seriously to her. She sighed and looked me in the eyes. I felt like something was behind her expression, but I couldn't read it clearly.

"I know, Jazz. Don't worry though, I'll be fine." Bella leaned in and gave me a kiss just like she gave her father, but I swore her lips lingered a little longer against my skin than she anticipated.

Our eyes connected for a moment. I knew that you could probably see the hurt and longing that played behind them. I wanted her, I wanted us and I didn't want her to leave this house.

"Bella…"

"Don't worry Jazz. Everything will be okay." She cut me off and smiled before leaving the house. I stood in the open doorway, looking as Assward waited in the car for her. He didn't even get out and open her door for her. What a prick?!

I slammed the door shut and made my way over to the couch to watch the game with Charlie. I was in for a night of waiting. Waiting for Bella to return, waiting for me to grow a pair and tell her how I really feel, waiting to see if my heart could really handle the heartbreak that looked to be on the way.

"Don't worry about it kid. She'll realize sooner or later." Charlie said as if he was reading my mind. I just smiled at him and rested against the couch. If her father saw it why couldn't she?

It wasn't until 11:30 that Charlie went up to bed. He told me not to get home too late. Little did he know I had no intention of leaving until I talked to Bella. Did I know what I was going to say or do? No, but that didn't matter. I was just going to wait and see what came out.

At 12:15 I heard the sound of a car door slamming. I wanted to jump up and run to the door but I stayed still, watching the TV but not at the same time. It took her two minutes to get from the car to the front door and another minute before walking through the door.

"I'm sorry dad, I know I'm late but I'm just going to go to bed. See you in the morning," She said as I heard her head for the stairs.

"Bella…" I called to her.

"Jasper? You scared me. What are you doing here?" She asked while taking off her shoes and tiptoeing upstairs to her room. I was right on her heels and once we were in the confines of her room, with the door closed, I answered.

"I was waiting for you. How was the date?" I asked her. I was scared for the answer, but I wanted it none the less.

She sighed and sat on her bed looking down at her hands in her lap. I walked over and sat next to her.

"The date… lets just say there won't be another." I looked down and saw that there were a few wet spots on her dress. I placed my finger under her chin and lifted her face so I could get a good look at her. Her eyes were filled with tears, and my heart broke at the sight. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip Edward limb from limb for causing this angel before me to cry.

"Bella, what happened?" I managed to say, my voice strained.

"I'm embarrassed," She whispered. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me. I wanted to pull the pain that radiated through her into me so she wouldn't feel any of it.

"It's me. There is nothing you can tell me that is going to shock or make me run the other way. Bells, just tell me." I pleaded with her as we looked into each others eyes. I wanted to make her feel safe. But I was confused as hell as to what happened. She wouldn't tell me.

"Well, I didn't have sex with him. So you don't have to worry. It wasn't like he didn't try either." Bella let out a breath and continued talking rather quickly.

"The night was perfect but something felt off. I couldn't pin point it. When we got into the car after dinner, we went over to the cliffs and started to make out. Then it hit me. I didn't want to be doing this here with him. I didn't want to loose my virginity in the back of a _Volvo_ with a guy that I didn't love. I wanted it to be special with the one person I realized I always loved, and probably will always love." Her eyes dropped back down to her lap and I could tell she was blushing because the beautiful blush crept onto her cheeks.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. Was she talking about me? _God please let her be talking about me!_

I took her face between my hands and stared into those lovely brown eyes. I wiped a few stray tears with my thumbs and leaned in closer to her. Her eyes slowly started to close and right then I knew what I needed to do. I couldn't put into words what I feel for her, not yet, but I knew I could show her. Give myself to her.

I closed the distance between our lips, lightly brushing mine against hers just in case this was not what she wanted. Apparently that wasn't the case because she didn't scream stop or pull away. _Score for Whitlock_!

So I tried again, but this time I kept my lips against hers. They were so soft and inviting. I wanted to live this way, connected to Bella Swan's magical lips. And what made my heart soar was the fact that she was actually kissing me back, our lips moving in sync with each other.

My tongue snaked out and brushed against her pouty lips and she quickly granted me entrance. Bella's soft hands moved from her sides over my thighs and slowly up to tangle in my hair. I groaned at the new sensation and pushed my tongue deeper into her mouth.

We pulled away after a short while, both of us needing to breathe. I rested my forehead against hers and just panted. My eyes were shut because part of me still was sacred of her reaction. I knew I felt her kissing me back, but that fear of rejection was still there.

I slowly opened my eyes to see two big brown ones staring back at me. A small smile playing on her now pinkish swollen lips.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," She said with a sigh of relief.

I pulled back from her. "Wait, what? You wanted to kiss me?"

She looked nervous now, probably due to my reaction. Bella nodded and timidly answered. "Yeah, I am so sorry if I was too forward, or if you didn't want to kiss me. I shouldn't have crossed that line. I feel so stu…"

I cut her off by attacking her lips with mine again. I didn't want to hear her freaking out over something that she was totally wrong about. I just wanted to be connected to her again and feel her against me.

I broke the kiss and smiled at her.

"Shut up, Bella. First off, I kissed you first. Second, it is _me_ who has wanted to kiss _you_ for so long. And finally, I love you Isabella Swan..." I kissed her nose. "Always and Forever."

Bella's face broke out in the cheesiest grin ever, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't laugh at me. Confessing ones love is a happy moment," She said as she hit my chest. I grabbed her wrist and brought it to my lips and kissed it tenderly.

"You never said I love you Bella." I said. She blushed and moved her fingers to sweep some hair that fell over my eyes.

"Jasper Hale Whitlock, I am out of this world in love with you, and have been so since I realized boys didn't have cooties."

I leaned in and kissed her kissable lips again just because I couldn't get enough of her sweet taste. Her lip-gloss was probably strawberry, because I was getting drunk off that mixed with the unique taste of Bella.

Bella pushed me back and I quirked my eyebrow at her. I was confused to say the least.

"Jasper, I was serious about what I said. I couldn't have sex with him because I didn't love him. But I _do_ love you, and I want you to be my first."

I nodded at her, getting that when she said it. "Okay love, what's the problem?"

She bit down on her lip. I swear if she did that again, I wasn't going to hold back from leaping on her. She looked up at me through those long lashes and blushed. _God I loved when she did that. _

"No problem, per se, I just…well…" She was fidgeting with her fingers. I moved my hand and laced my fingers with hers.

"Bella, just spit it out."

"I want us to have sex right now!" She said in a rushed whisper. Bella immediately slapped her hand over her mouth, probably shocked at what she just said. I had to admit, I was pretty shocked too. I didn't think she would want to do that now. My mind was telling me that we should wait till we figure out where we are as a couple first, but my heart and cock was aching to be with her in every way.

"I…I don't know what to say. Are you sure you want to go there _tonight_? I don't want us to rush into something you're not ready for."

"This is what I want Jasper. I want you and I have always wanted you. I just didn't know if you wanted me the same way, especially after Jessica-gate…" Bella turned away from me and looked everywhere else but in my direction.

"Bella it has always been you. Even when I was with _her_, I wanted you. You have been my entire world for forever, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Look at me." She turned her head slightly too gaze at me with those loving eyes.

"And it doesn't hurt that you are the sexiest girl I have _ever_ known, and I have been imagining what making love to you would be like."

Bella's eyes became bright and dark at the same time. I saw the love there because it mirrored my own, however, I saw the lust. I saw the lust brewing behind her eyes in tenfold and the tension was rolling off us in waves. My fingers actually twitched with the anticipation of touching her.

I didn't have to wait long, because with what felt like a millisecond, Bella was straddling me and pushing me against the bed. Her lips were everywhere; my lips, jaw, Adam's apple. I wanted to slow her down, but right now her snatch was grinding all on me and was making me harder than I ever imagined.

My tongue infiltrated her mouth once again and we were fighting for dominance. I went and moved my hands over the curve of her apple bottom. I gave it a light squeeze, and Bella pressed harder down on my crotch. I moaned into her mouth loudly. I know I should be worried about Charlie, but when you have a sexy as fuck girl that you're in love with writhing on your dick, you loose all kinds of thought for other things.

We broke away but I started kissing down her jaw, nibbling and sucking. Bella's hands slithered down to the hem of my shirt and grabbed it, lifting it up over my chest. I had to break away from her so she could get it off.

Once my shirt was discarded somewhere in the room, my hands resumed their place on Bella's ass. Now sliding up under her dress and making their way over the curve of her spine. I brought her dress over her head in no time, and threw it wherever my shirt landed.

I glanced down at Bella. Her lips were currently on my neck and I practically growled. Bella was lying on top of me clad only in a pair of cheeky boyshorts, no bra.

I flipped us over so I was on top and between her legs. I kissed her hard and full of passion as her hands racked over my sides. I loved this woman, and the things she was doing to me were driving me insane. I wanted to be one with her so bad.

"Bella, you have to slow down. I don't want to fuck you tonight." I saw her brows scrunch together when I said that. So I leaned down and kissed where they came together.

"That doesn't mean I'm not going to be having sex with you tonight. I want to worship you baby. Just like you deserve to be. I'm going to make sweet love to you." I leaned in and licked around her ear lobe, while my fingers were playing with the edge of her panties.

"Jasper please…" Bella breathed out. I could tell she was getting turned on even more. The scent of her arousal engulfed me. I had to make a note to taste her next time, because if I wasn't buried deep into her, I was going to cum before the tip was even in.

I shook my head and slid off of her. I went to work on my jeans and boxers. I needed to free The Major before he ripped a hole through my jeans.

I finally stepped out of my clothes and stood naked as the day I was born at the edge of the bed. Bella's eyes grew wide, and at that moment, I felt self conscious.

"What?"

"Um…well you're pretty…_big_. Do you think it'll fit?" She asked, still biting that sexy lip of hers. I chuckled and crawled on top of her.

"Baby, it's going to fit, _trust me._ But I can't promise it won't hurt." I added sadly. I knew this was going to be uncomfortable for her. I didn't want to cause her any pain, but the thought of someone else doing it just pissed me off.

"I don't care. I know what I want, and I want you right _now_!" She reached and wrapped her little warm hand around my mass and started stroking. My eyes were rolling in the back of my head.

"Shit, Bella!" I hissed. "If you keep going at that, I won't be able to last very long." I leaned down and kissed her neck lazily as she continued to work over me. My fingers hooked into the top of her panties and slid them down her creamy thighs and calves. I could tell from the low light that was illuminating in her room that she was dripping wet, because I saw that shit glisten down her inner thigh as she spread her legs for me.

I threw the underwear into the abyss of lost clothes, and slowly ghosted my hands up Bella's legs, starting with her ankles and leaving kisses in the wake of my hands. She shuddered at each touch and kiss. She was moaning and mewling as I got closer to where she really wanted me.

"Bella, I'm going to try and make this as non painful as possible, but I don't know how that is going to work. You just have to trust me."

She nodded and spread her legs out wider and smiled up at me. "I trust you with everything Jasper."

I leaned in and kissed this angel beneath me. I knew that even though she would be in pain, we would be together.

I held her hips in my hands, actually feeling more nervous now that there was nothing between us. Just me and Bella, Bella and I.

Bella's hands were gripping the sheets getting ready for what was to come. I took a deep breath while the head of my cock teased her entrance. Damn she was so wet. I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold out long, but maybe that was a good thing.

Laying on top of her I started kissing her lovingly on her lips and moved to her ear, while I slowly penetrated her.

_Fuckmechristwhoartinheaven!_

She was so freaking tight, and I wasn't even fully in yet! I felt Bella tense up under me and I knew she needed to relax, or this was going to be worse. I started kissing her even more and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I felt wetness against my cheek, and I knew she was crying.

"Bella, baby. Do you want me to stop?" She shook her head no.

"Keep going. I'm… adjusting."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was even holding, and pushed that last few inches of myself into her. We were one. I was with my Bella, finally. I rested on my elbows and looked down at her. She looked radiant. She had a light sheen of sweat and her eyes glistened.

I pulled almost all the way out and pushed myself back in. This pace was doing nothing for my resolve because she was so unbelievably tight. I don't think virgins were supposed to be this tight, but it felt amazing. I knew Bella was still in some pain, so I decided to give her a bit more.

Moving my hand between us, I made it to her clit and started to rub little circles around it. The sounds that were coming out of her was something I wasn't prepared for. She was moaning and breathing heavily. My dick was twitching inside her.

"Jasper… Move!" Bella breathed out. Then I realized I was just in her and not pumping. My pace started to pick up and my strokes were slow and gentle.

Bella surprised me even more when her hips started to move with mine. She was meeting with each thrust I made. I ducked my head down and captured one of her rosy pick nipples in my mouth, sucking and nipping on it. My fingers worked her just as good as the Major was.

I felt her juices start to flow more down my cock when I hit that sweet spot inside her. Bella's tightness, movements and sounds were bringing me closer and closer to the edge, but I wanted to get her off first.

"Oh God, Jasper! Faster…please." Bella begged. Me being the whipped pussy I already was, did what she asked.

I started pumping in and out of her with a vigor I didn't know I possessed. I wrapped Bella's legs around my waist and started to go faster and harder into her. My fingers playing a symphony on her love button.

I knew she was close when it felt like her pussy had me in a vice grip. And then I saw the fucking stars, fireworks or whatever those romance movies talked about. I looked down and saw Bella's eyes shut tight, mouth slightly ajar, panting, and her legs tensed up around me.

"Jas… I'm… Cummmm… Fuck me!" She almost yelled, before I attached my lips to hers to cover her orgasmic screams. I felt her juices slide down my cock and that was my undoing. I gave her a few more pumps before stilling inside her, emptying myself, my love, inside her.

Once we were coming down from climatic highs, I leaned back and looked at Bella. She had a glow and a shit eating grin on her face. I knew I couldn't be any better. I leaned down and kissed her gently and lovingly. In that moment, we knew we were for one another. She was my soul mate, and I was hers.

"I love you Bella. And I will keep loving you, even if it kills me."

**

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AN: I want to say this is my first one-shot so I hope I did a good job, I had fun writing it. I also want to say thanks to my kick ass Beta's Tilly and Erin! PIC and Smuttwin you rock! If you read my other stories you know that I write to music so the songs for this one shot are:**

**If It Kills Me – Jason Mraz (title song)  
And basically the whole The Fray Album**

**So Read&Review and VOTE!!  
**


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Thanks a bunch to all the people that have added and showed this story some love so far


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